Simply Charity

Look Up

I’ve spent so much time with my head down. Down, looking at things, looking at my desires, wondering, worrying. My scope grew narrower with each passing day and I knew it. I kept looking downward to the point where my head was buried in all the problems I had created. I had kept praying and praying that my outlook would change, that my heart would pour out with love, but I kept feeling more and more discouraged as joy seemed further and further away. Then He dug me out, washed my face of the dirt, and set His loving gaze on me as he pointed my gaze towards him. There was no formula for joy, except to focus on Him. Focus outward and not inward.

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”-Isaiah 26:3

And by setting my eyes on Him, he as also taught me to strive for holiness.

“Make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue and virtue with knowledge and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” -2 Peter 1:5-8

“Put on then as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” -Colossians 3:12-15

God, I can’t seem to get things right. I feel like I am always stumbling, that I am off balanced and yet completely in line. It doesn’t make sense. I am upset that I haven’t prayed through out the day like I love doing, and I would like us to have conversations again, like we use too. I really do love you and miss you! I know you are always there and that is very comforting, but isn’t it strange how we see to take for granted what is always there for us? On a smaller scale I take my parents for granted, but it hurts more when I take you for granted. God thank you for you grace and love, I need it or else I would cease to be. Thank you for Caleb, he has been a very good friend and I have grown to enjoy his companionship very much, I love him and I thank you for that. I pray that you will always be first and be my foundation, that even if something were to happen between Caleb and I, I would still run to you. And I think that is true. You are better than a best friend, you are the perfect father, and are always there listening and caring. You show that in many ways, and one of the ways you show it is through others. You bless me with so much that I don’t need, you give me beyond my daily bread. Help me to appreciate it more please. Please forgive me of my sins, I hate that they separate us, but I am amazed that you took the punishment that I so rightly deserve. I pray for the Saints and that we can be a wonderful joy and light to others, that we are love and we love freely. I pray you give hope to those who have none, bread to those who starve, love to those who feel unloved, joy to the sadden heart, and that we might all rejoice and come together and celebrate you. I pray we have joy through out all our hearts and that your name may be glorified. I pray I do not say these things just as empty words, I pray my heart means it. I pray I genuinely desire these things. I pray these things in Jesus’ name. I love you. Restore me, Father. 

Detox: Mind, Body, Spirit

So much can be said, but I’m going to keep it short because I am very tired. This weekend was suppose to be my detox, relax, recharge, and unwind weekend. The food was simple and made to cleanse my body. The activities I had planned on doing were meant to rejuvenate my spirit. And the laughter I was planning on having was going to be joyous. My plan was to have the most absolutely wonderful time ever. Let me backtrack a little to explain as to why I felt I needed such a weekend (again keeping it short).

I have issues with worrying. Don’t get me wrong, for a while I had ceased worrying and seemed to be a very zen being with joy bubbling out her ears. But then I started sleeping funky because I worried, just for a second, about my relationship with my boyfriend (I cannot even recall what it was about). Then I began to worry about my relationship with God, because I felt it had been on the rocks for no rhyme or reason. Soon, the worries just slipped back into my person and I was consumed with stress. Well the stress led me to eat more sugar, drink more caffeine, and therefore get less sleep and then repeat the cycle all over again. I was falling down a whole and trying to dig my way out. 

There was a camping tripped planned this weekend with a group from college and my boyfriend and I had signed up. I had been talking to him about my stress and thought maybe I should just stay home and rest while he went to have fun. So, then I began to plan my detox weekend. And let me tell you, it takes more than a day to rid yourself of bad worrying habits. I off and on spent the day worrying/wondering what my boyfriend was up to on the trip and began to sulk about how I wasn’t there. I didn’t read, I didn’t paint, I did cook and begin my detox diet and went to the grocery store. But all the other relaxation time…. quite frankly I don’t know where it went. So by my reaction, I realized there was a deeper “detox” that needed to happen. Of course I need to rid myself of anxious thoughts, but on a deeper level I need to regain a bit of that independence I once had. 

So I will. It is as simple as changing my mind. I am feeling restful, full of nutrition food, and ready for a day of real relaxation. Hey, I don’t take today as a loss though. As I see it, you have to have days where you screw up to make sure you have awesome days where you don’t. Tomorrow will be that day for me. Prayer is my combat for anxious thoughts, and my sense of independence will come in full throttle. As someone once said (not me), “Say no to seriousness, and YES to joy.” Well I will take you up on that offer…